Query Magic

Over the weekend, I came across a book at Border's on landing a literary agent, which offered this bit of advice (paraphrased):

"A query hook entices the targeted agent to request sample pages or chapters. Nothing more, nothing less."

Sounds easy, doesn't it?

More advice suggested that, if 10 agents pass on your query, it's time to rethink the wording of said query. I wonder if John Grisham, who had been turned down over 30 some-odd times by agents and editors for "THE FIRM" ever tinkered with his query?

I remind myself that, if writing for publication were easy, then everyone would be doing it.

Um...Query, much?

Oh. My. God.

You think finishing a 103,000 page-one rewrite is tough? Try distilling those 103,000 words into a one paragraph hook!

By way of explanation, a standard query consists of three paragraphs:

Paragraph 1 = Hook
Paragraph 2 = Synopsis, or tagline (think back flap of novel, or jacket blurb)
Paragraph 3 = Bio (publishing credits, awards)

And the purpose of the query is to solicit enough interest from either a literary agent or an editor from a publishing house to request either a partial sub (usually the first 5 chapters) or the whole darn manuscript (103,000 words = 437 pages)

So, here's how it went for me:

Prewrite: Many, many hours (research on query letters)
Day 1: Write hook,
Day 2: Deliberate on said written hook,
Day 3: Revise said written hook,
Days 4-7: Add synopsis,
Days 8-10: Agonize that said written hook and synopsis didn't capture the panache of said 103,000 novel (you know, that thing I've been working on DAILY for over a year and a half)
Days 8-16: Research other successful query letters that tickled a literary agent in the right place,
Days 17-20: Research back jacket blurbs of successful novels,
Days 17-20: Realize that most of them are weak and cliched, and wondered why someone couldn't have come up with something better,
Days 21-24: Trudge forward, rewrite said hook and tighten synopsis (think economy of words)
Day 25: Conclude that writing sucks, and wonder what possessed me to even engage in such insanity,
Day 25: Chide myself for experiencing self doubt, grab a grande white mocha from Starbucks and resolve to finish what I started,
Day 25: Realize that "writing" doesn't suck, but that "query writing" sucks,
Day 25: Admit that query writing doesn't suck, that it's just hard...just as hard as tackling a 103,000-word page-one rewrite...maybe harder,
Day 26: Decide to blog the experience for posterity.
Day 26: Query email time!

Up Until Now...

First Blog. Feels kinda weird. Maybe like my first kiss, but without the anxiety of getting it right.

Anyway, Welcome. Like my first kiss, I'll keep it brief, and try not to slobber.

For those who know me, I've always been a "two-hemisphere" kind of person...balancing right-brain tendencies (engineering, logic) with left brain proclivities (fantasy fiction, D&D). In 2004 I collaborated with my friend Scotty on a screenplay. Life intruded, as it always does, and after a few months we abandoned the project. In 2006 we rekindled the affair, finished the damn thing, then released it into the abyss of Hollywood where it bounced off a few players before settling to the ground, unheralded and unnoticed and unappreciated.

Welcome to Tinseltown, now go home.

But the experience got the ole' creative juices flowing; Scotty went off to concentrate on a separate project, and I my own. I completed an original screenplay, where it then ended up in the hands of a well-respected literary agent out of Manhattan. He understood this to be my first screenplay, liked it (but didn't admit to loving it), and suggested that I fictionalize it.

And so I did. Nine months later I gave birth to a fully-mature 83,000-word novel. I dressed him up in a cute little number from FedEx and shipped him off to Manhattan. A few months later, I received an email informing me that, while the writing was solid, he didn't feel comfortable representing my particular genre, and suggested that I contact an AAR agent for representation.

Ouch. Ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch.

So, I could have done many things at this point (cry, wail, lash out, sob uncontrollably, eat chocolate, hole up in my room and not shower for days, take to strong drink, etc.) But, I decided to lather the scraped knee of my ego with generous portions of Neosporin and come up with a game plan.

At the urging of my soulmate and in-house-editor (my wife and intended reader, or IR) I deconstructed the story, and we realized that while the plot and the story moved, the characters didn't. They didn't stagnate, but they didn't pop either. And so began the arduous journey of a page-one rewrite, and seven months later I'm done. Whoo-hoo!

This blog is my first venture back out into the world of the living. I am currently crafting my query, and will likely spend another few weeks polishing it. In the meantime, I will continue to blog my writing experiences, for anyone wondering or caring what one writer goes through on a daily or weekly basis to see his literary offspring grow up, graduate and get jobs.

There. I hope I didn't slobber too much...if I did, here's a tissue.